Hell Week

LATE Friday night, 1:23 a.m. This week has been a mother FUCKER.

I’ve past tired a long time ago, to say that this week has been tiring would be and understatement. If it wasn’t for will power and (I’m sorry to say) chemical reinforcement, I would have been down several hours ago. Tonight was the night of the wake at Dani & Allen’s though and there was no way in Hell I was going to miss it. So, as the saying goes, it was time to expend all ammo.

We are finally home and I’m trying to wind down. Here I am in the living room typing away like mad on this thing, waiting for the sleeping pills I’ve taken to kick in and expend some energy so that I don’t make it any more difficult for Angela to sleep than it already will be.

So I have just finished brushing my teeth and put Angela to bed. I case I haven’t said it enough, waking up to her in the morning is one of the great pleasures in my life. So many different times and circumstances by now… it gets me through many days when life has been a pain in the ass.

But life is only a pain in the ass when you don’t remember big things like this to compare to. It has been almost 5 years now since Mom died and my life was turned upside-down, guess I was due for a reminder. This past Sunday my friends’ lives and those of many of the ones around them changed forever. After this past Sunday, so many things that felt so damn important and disastrous are much smaller now.

Tonight they had their friends over to say goodbye to their four-footed children that died in the fire. It was rough and painful in many ways. But, as Barry had put it, Dani & Allen lost much to discover how much they really have. Their friends have been here for them and have helped them through a time that would be a nightmare that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Even Richard.

With that help they will come thru. They will move to Florida and they do so with my blessing (even though I will miss them terribly)… but they also do so knowing that they have support system up here that will endure.

God, this past week has been difficult.

Still, I know that these rough times will pass and I will come out the other side. They will temper me like my other experiences have in time and I will be better for it. My friend (Dani & Allen) have been worried about ME of all things during their ordeal! I appreciate it though, they worry about me like I do about them. I had learned (a time before I’d ever met this endlessly silly and interesting group that has come with Angela) that when you take care of yourself, you can be there for others in a much better way. What this recent experience with the fire does to remind me, is that it is good to lean on others after you discover you can stand on your own.

I would do every last difficult moment of this week over again. They are my friends and they are like family to me.

No question.

I’m glad that there was a good turnout this evening to the wake. Every last person there proved the core of humanity: That no matter our quirks, problems and issues, when the chips are down, many will stand to be counted. I have my faith in the lot of them are basically good people and that they all have their place in the great pattern of life.

I finally broke down with Dani tonight. The week at work has been harder than any other I have experienced there. The changes are good but emotionally draining. The work has been at a level that only happens every few months, and there were two days of it in a row. Combine that with the stress that was going on before Sunday, PLUS the mountain of stress after that fateful phone call, it was finally enough to do me in. I cried for all the hope lost and pain and turmoil that has come… for what has been and now will never be again.

This is when I was reminded that to lean on somebody goes both ways.

Well, it is 2;10 a.m. and time for bed.

(Edited 4/13/15 to remove spam, link image.)

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